The spiral
At the end of module one, after seven weeks, we were invited to create a perfomance, installation or anything else that one would like to create and share.
I build a spiral from chairs, large light brown paper and black large flats. In the beginning when one would enter, the space above was open. Near the end it was closed and became darker, in the end almost totally dark: it could give the impression of a cave with cave painting: the walls of the spiral were filled with texts, drawings and paintings from the 7 weeks. They were very vibrant and intense. Texts written with longing, eagerly wishing, yearning desire. Sometimes hopelessness inside them too. Than oppostite vibes with texts full of hate, outrage and loathing.
I am longing for nothingness
There where no minds are
I float. I drift.
Let me fade away
What would accept me?
Which creature is there to love me?
A cave to crawl in together
Getting drunk from waves of salt
Free minds crawling along
Togetherness was never more
You slow down and i, well i surrender
Blowing candles cause no birthday will ever come again
A last wave will take me in its mouth/
Jaws creeping, teeth by teeth
A sublime story of love by life itself
To be eaten and to end in the arms of our mother. She is it all.
We all end there.
Magic Botox won't long your years.
Peace to your cheeks, finally.
A mouth full of life.
Desire driven, do you mind?
You really think I'm slicing apples?
No, I'm slicing throats.
You wanna know what I Love?
Hate.
That is what I love.
WHAT DO YOU TAKE?
WHO DO YOU TAKE?
HOW DO YOU TAKE?
When do you let one other not do what he/she wants?
What do I need to kill to survive?
Who do I need to kill to survive?
Do I need to kill?
Or start to talk...
Hold me tight in the waves
The lies are too cold
Do you see in the distance
A burning shipA thousand eyes gaze into the distance at the promised land
Sand blows and hinders the sight
And one more, one that is written close to the day I created the installation of the spiral:
We are standing on the cliff
Forehead to forehead
It is the last time we meet
The last time
One will survive this last fight
The sea around us churns and bubbles
Throws its arms against the rocks with force
The earth trembles
Everything knows that the giants are fighting tonight
It is you or me
Me or you
Eyes that see everything but don't even know each other
Do they know who their enemy is
How much is the enemy?
How much am I dangerous to you? and you, to me?
Do I not exist only because you exist?
Goddamn, we are one
How can one win?
How can we exist together?
How can these eyes of fire love the same?
In the end of the spiral, a dark little space, I was standing and sang a short song for the person who had walked the spiral:
(This is recorded much later afterwards)
I know
Here it ends for you and me
It's time to let it go and set if free
Please don't go
Please don't go
Please don't go
Without saying goodbye
Goodbye
Wende
I have been inside the spiral for four or five hours on end, many people walked the spiral.
Later in the night, I wrote:
It is 23.23
We are together again
After the fire we put out together, we can share the mattress again
Again
Because we faced each other
Foreheads pressed together.
Jaws clenched. One tooth grinding against the other.
What water can we use to put it out?
Where will it come from?
It came from above. just fell on our heads.
It surprised us so much, we could do nothing but laugh.
And suddenly our jaws, our arms, our hearts opened
It feels like a fight between opposites before the presentation.
And a possible peacemaking and/or transformation afterwards.
C.G. Jung borrowed the term 'coniunctio' from the medieval alchemists, because he believed they were picturing the same individuation process Jung was outlining in his work. Jung understood that the alchemists literalized and externalized the inner opus, which he took to be a spiritual and psychological reality.
The coniunctio is not a physical union but rather a mental, internal state of being, a union of opposites, and in particular, the union of the conscious and unconscious. Jung described "a gradual transformation of the archetype into a psychological process which, in theory, we can call a combination of conscious and unconscious processes.
Literally, "conjunction," used in alchemy to refer to chemical combinations; psychologically, it points to the union of opposites and the birth of new possibilities
A few days before making the spiral, I visited a park close by and was drawn to a tree. This is a hollow tree, one can go inside through a hole at the bottom. Afterwards, I started to write thoughts about layers that have to be peeled of to reach the core. Like an onion:
So you got born
Now let's get back to the first stage
The meeting of sperm and an egg
There was life. It was you
Then the first influences came.
What your mother ate, you ate.
What your mother went through, you went through
How many layers?
Take it off
Take it off
How many layers are you wearing?
Are you comfortable?
Are you wearing make up?
How many layers of clothing are you wearing?
How many are strangling you?
Which do you need?
Which do you want?
Imprisoned by the layers
A fossil
What created a layer on me?
The pure light that gets visible when the layers are unwrapping.
What remains?
What remains of me?
What kan I leave behind?
Who am I?
What do I want the world to see?
What can I wash away? What comes off?
Do I put it on again? Is it really off?
What do you and an onion have in common?
Take it off
The layers
How many?
If life is a circle...
Are we like trees?
The older, the more layers.
The stronger the layers
How many layers does one needs to peel of to become what one really is?
To what do I awaken in this process?
An awakening that there is a core inside me and each of us that is 'really' us. That I have been building layers around it to be able to live? To be able to survive the world as it is? And when I start to take those layers off, i might be able to live a life coming from the sacred life within.
When I research the image of a spiral, I find the following that I feel connects to my writings:
The spiral in psychology means that when you make a spiral you always come over the same point where you have been before, but never really the same, it is above or below, inside, outside, so it means growth.
The spiral is an archetypal symbol that represents cosmic force.C.G. Jung
Many suggest the spirals are representative of the cycle of rebirth (as indicated by their presence at a tomb) or as a symbol of a mother goddess, who in recent times has been strongly associated with underground chambers, which are interpreted as symbolic wombs.
Because of its connection with mother goddesses, the spiral is a very feminine symbol, representing not only women but also a variety of things traditionally associated with women. Besides lifecycles, fertility, and childbirth, the spiral can reference intuition and other more internal concepts associated with women.
Even ancient people could recognize that the stars overhead spun around a central point every night, and today we know we reside within a spiral galaxy. Therefore, the spiral can be a symbol of the universe, our place within it, and of the great cycles that constantly advance within this universe.
Life cycles and cycles of the natural world create change. The old dies away so the new can come forth. Each of us progresses from child to adult to old age. As such, the spiral is not a symbol of stagnation but rather of change, progression, and development. It embraces these things as good and healthy and helps one to accept change even though we often are more comfortable retreating into tradition and old, standard ways.
The Spiral is a sacred symbol that represents the journey and change of life as it unfolds; like passage that leads to Source.
The spiral symbol can represent the consciousness of nature beginning from its center expanding outwardly. Spirals have been linked to nature, the seasons, and the path of life: birth, growth, death and reincarnation. And the immortality of the spirit.
One of the oldest geometric shapes found throughout the ancient world are spirals.
Ancient cultures throughout the world carved the same symbol with little or no communication with each other.
The spiral is fundamental to nature, appearing on animals such as the snail, seashells, and occurs in natural phenomena such as whirlpools, hurricanes, tornadoes and spinning galaxies.
The spiral has become a powerful symbol for creation and growth, used by many ancient cultures and religious traditions.
The spiral in a snail's shell is the same mathematically as the spiraling of the Milky Way galaxy, and it's also the same mathematically as the spirals in our DNA. It's the same ratio that you'll find in very basic music that transcends cultures all over the world.
"What is more of a symbol of eternal growth and change than the Goddess? The eternal spiral of creation. Coiled like a serpent, our Shakti energy sits, waiting to be awakened within all of us." ― Emma Mildon, Evolution of Goddess
Rebirth. Intuition. The feminine. Creation and Growth. A passage that leads to source. Waiting to be awakened. The old dies away so the new can come forth. Immortality of the spirit.
Something in me had to die, so the new could come forth. It had to die, the new was not anymore patiently waiting.
This whole process of creating the spiral has been for me a purely following of intuition. By following my own intuition, did I create a ritual for potential growth, for potential rebirth for myself and the participant?