Where is the heroine?

At the beginning of Module three, we were invited to create a collage with coloured paper to find out where the heroine was on her journey.

I see a tree. A blossoming flower.
And I see the wall which disconnect the leaves/petals from the trunk/stem.


She knows there is more.
She doesn't know how to get in connection with it.


She is grounded.
She is not fully blossoming.

It is still what I see. A flower disconnected from it's stem. 'Stem' translated to Dutch, is 'voice'. 
A stem who is growing, but cut off from the feeling of being whole. There is connection between the stem and the flower and petals. But it is interrupted. They are physically connected, but live apart.

Cut off from the feeling of being whole. Separateness of two, where one can't survive without the other. the flower cannot live without the stem. The stem can live without the flower. But the full potential and beauty is not present in that case.

We got introduced to the myth of Inanna, the Descent into the Underworld, 'where the goddess goes beyond the mundane and voluntarily undertakes the ultimate journey. Where the Queen of the underworld represent the neglected, dark side of Inanna, that part of the Queen of Heaven that was unloving, unloved, abandoned, instinctual and full of rage, greed and desperate loneliness'. A journey where a light goddess meets a dark goddess and become one.
Her descent is a description of her spiritual initiation.

When in an exercise the heroine needed to pass 'thing in between', which was created by our own paintings. What happened to the heroine was that she touched accidentally a painting, pulled scared her hands up and touched accidentally another one. What was this? The fear of touching something? To make changes to something?
Was the heroine afraid of making changes in her life to live the way she would like to live her life? To dare to make the changes herself and not hopeing someone else would do it for her? To make marks, own marks, she might need to destroy.

I am alone in the forest in a clearing.
The clearing is created by a sawn-off tree. Light falls down through the lack of it.

The other trees stand around me like listening helpers. Or do they strike when I do something wrong? Can I trust them? Can they trust me? I feel that something or someone is watching me. A red glow of light approaches. Circles around me, stays at a distance. It is life and it comes closer. Want to make contact? Does it want to make contact? I want to make contact. Going towards it.
I step slowly towards the light. I put a hand forward. Then I take my hand back. I do not trust it completely, something in my stomach doubts it. I stand still. Protect myself. Look. It is coming closer to me now. At a distance of one metre I stop. The red also stops. The unknown red. The contact is intense. What is this encounter? Suddenly it attacks. Flies right through me. Through my belly. I scream. Time seems to be slowing down. I fall and know, before I lose consciousness, that I'm getting close to something that shouldn't be found.
When I wake up, it is dark. Beady eyes at my feet. A pain in my stomach. I look. The skin is bleeding. Red tears slowly trickle out.
I move to a tree and lay myself against the trunk. I sit upright and breathe. And stare. I will and must go. And will survive. The night grows dark and I fall asleep.

What is there to be found for the heroine? And what does she needs to give up?

© 2021 Anne Loek Beernink
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